They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
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