maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Blood and glitter go together right?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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