remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
