He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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