just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I have already put on my inside pants.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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