I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I skipped work to stalk him.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
