first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize