Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
