a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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