I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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