a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
