Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
