you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
