I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
