her vagina looked like bernie madoff
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Randomize
