Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
