Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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