he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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