im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
