Swine flu. Run for my life!
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
