oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
