1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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