lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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