I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Drunk is not a location!
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize