um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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