I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
