I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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