he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
