He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
