At least make sure they are 18
Why
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
