Jerry, you need to find god
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
