Me too!
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
