Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize