I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
