I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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