You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
