you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
