If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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