i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
