Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
