I just threw up on my dentist
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
