hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
