i'm signing you up for texting rehab
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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