Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Randomize