i need an iv and a liver transplant
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
