Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
We named our party play list daddy issues
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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