my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize