Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
