Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
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