It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
