What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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