I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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