Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Randomize
