Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize