The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
