there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
