Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
