why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
