i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
