The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
