i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
