Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
