i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
