my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize