you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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