we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize