It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
