i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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