I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
