none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
