there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize