I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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