So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
