Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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