fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize