If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
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