I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
