Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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