can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize