Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
