Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
