never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
there was a trapeze. enough said
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
