I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
