she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
