a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Randomize
