Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
