it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
