They should really pass out barf bags in church
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
