Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Randomize
