I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
