He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
