he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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