Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
