I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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