There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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