Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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