I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
only you would photoshop your dick
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
