woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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